STORY OF MY LIFE : THE PAST IS OVER

My childhood story was so colourful, and indeed not always good. 
However, there was always smiles, laughters and fights. I have a lot of childhood friends, we always played together in the field until evening. There were no envious and enemies, everything was purely about common children problem.

I had a bad primary time. Some of my friends liked to pinch me in sports time.

Maybe it was because I had the smallest body size at that time. Then, I moved to other school. Everything felt better in my new school. I had a lot of friends and some best friends. At this time, I was known as the most annoying and talkative person. I was the troublemaker in the class. Luckily I was quite clever, I was always in the top 5 of the class.

In my junior high school time, I enrolled myself in bilinguan class, class of top students, the most prestigious class in the levels. Teachers always assumed my class as the best class which used two languages, indonesia and English. My class was given extra facility when compared to other classes. It sounded fantastic indeed but I felt not sure if it could be considered that way. Meeting the other junior high school friends was the activity I would like to avoid the most. I used to be a bullied person when I walked on the street or in the class. It was pathetic, maybe that was the thing that made myself to be an introvert and a not confident person.

In my senior high school time, I decided to enroll in dormitory school so that I won't have to meet boys because I was too afraid to be bullied. However, I realized if putting myself in dorms made my personality became worse. There were so many boring activities that I can't stand. I quitted, and tried to go to public school. Public school was not even better. There were so many lazy friends and incompetent teachers and poor systems. These condition put a lot of pressure on me. I wanted to develop my ability, I wanted to defeat many challenges, dig my potential and skill in arts. I wanted to learn, but the facilities were just not supporting. My family financial condition was not really good, too, which caused me to not be able to join tuition and other courses like others did. I passed my senior high school in pressure.

I got the highest National Exam score and one of the two students that passed the university entrance test. It didn't feel proud and special. I felt tired, but grateful.

In my first year of university, I didn't do so many things, I did not involve myself in organization or any other activities. I never went to library or hangout with friends. I only joined several seminar. I felt that being an introvert staying in my comfort zone was the best thing.

I hope that in 2019, there will be a lot of good things happening, no more pain and weakness which could make me to be a better person. I might not be the old me, even I can no longer be cheerful, smile and laugh freely, at least I could be myself and be useful to all people around me.